This Just In!

 Political Humor
Mar 012010
 

Today’s current event highlights:

  • Today’s scheduled Million-Warmist-March-on-Washington is proceeding as planned but is reportedly just under a million short of planned attendance as the remaining multitudes protest the return of real science to climate research.
  • In related news, the Senate sub-committee on moral turpitude is holding a hearing on the feasibility of amnesty for the many scientists who allegedly posed as climate-change researchers in order to get government grants and further their personal political agendas.
  • House Ways and Means Chairman Charlie Rangel – the subject of a year-long ethics investigation – has announced he is stepping down as Chairman as of noon today and will not be resuming that position until the same time tomorrow.
  • Tiger Woods called a press conference today and told the assembled journalists and photographers “Im sorry for the delay in this announcement, but it took me a while to figure out that all of you are just jealous.”
  • Joy Behar has reluctantly announced her decision to resign from Mensa, International.  Anonymous sources say she thought they’d be a lot smarter.
  • House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced just hours ago that “I think we can get the 217 votes we need if, when writing the ‘sidecar’ bill, we are sure to include the Public Option Death Panel.”
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Obama as Gas Giant

 Political Humor
Feb 262010
 

Galactic Bloviation

This Obama-bashing has to stop.  (Cheney-bashing may proceed as planned.)  The Healthcare Summit – called to settle these “petty talking points” and “philosophical differences” – had the President (peace be upon him) as its moderator, and an effing-good moderator he was.  Well, maybe too good, because all he got for his efforts – and I do mean efforts – was a lot of sh*t about the amount of time he personally chewed up.  I mean, c’mon – it was only a third of the conference:  119 minutes according to the press.

Bash, bash, bash.  Have they no shame?  Lacking any substantive criticism, these ignorant, teabagging Republican scumsters who are too dim to appreciate quality leadership, come up with this vicious attempt at character assassination.  Well, for the record, I’d like them to know that the President (peace be upon him) didn’t use any more time than all the elected Democrats in the room at about two hours; nor, all of the Republicans who, together, used up about another two hours.  What could be more fair:  Two to the moderator and two each to the participants?

But, no – the slime keeps coming.  Well, a*swipes, it just happens that some – maybe all – of his fellow Leftists totally blow him away in the long-speech department.  Nobody I talked to at great length (communication is not the same as bloviation) could tell me why we Leftists go on at such length, but the record, FYI, is – according to the San Francisco Examiner – held by Hugo Chavez.  Hugo does regular TV harangues  and his best one, on a Sunday (Talk #295) came in at just a hair over eight hours. He beat out Fidel Castro, the previous record holder at 7 hours and ten minutes.

And don’t even think about all those long-winded speeches by Hitler and Mussolini; they were fascists – nothing to do with Progressives, or Leftists, or Democrats…you know what I mean.  Some of our finest Democrats gave long speeches:  FDR, Lyndon Johnson, William J. Clinton.  So, quit the stupid criticism.  You’re just jealous that we talk better than all you knuckle-dragging creeps.

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